Old Newletter

This joke is from when we were in Baghdad, but is very real and very current for any war zone in the Middle East.

Believe it or not, it is all very true.

You know you have been in Iraq too long when.......


* When mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and
think "still way off, I got another 5 minutes"

* When you start humming with the Arabic song playing on the radio on
the shuttle bus

* Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking attractive

* You walk an extra 6 blocks to eat at the KBR dining facility to
have the exact same food they are serving in your dining facility because
you think it tastes better

* You actually volunteer for convoy security duty because you still
haven't seen the country yet

* You start picturing your wife in traditional Arab dress

* The contractors have more fire power than the military combat
units.

* You take the time to add your lines to this list

* You've spent $200 dollars at Haji mart on dvds buying basic
instinct, 9 and ½ weeks, and body of evidence just for the sex scenes

* You drink the water from the tap because you want to drop 20 pounds
in two weeks

* Driving around in SUVs with weapons pointed out the windows and
forcing cars off the road seems very normal to you

* You can put your body armor and helmet on in the dark in under 5
seconds

* When the organization you work for has changed its name more than 3
times

* When you can actually talk to people in the united states on a cell
phone, yet you cant get people on their cell phone a block a way

* When you actually spend more time writing e-mail about the dog in
the compound vs how to conduct the fight in Najaf

* Your idea of a fun Thursday night is to go to the Palace pool to
watch the state department folks get drunk, naked and try to pick each other
up

* When you actually get excited to get a package that contains 3 pair
of socks, 12 bars of soap and a Victoria Secret Catalog

* When you start to enjoy the rocking of the trailer every time the
MEDEVAC choppers fly over

* You memorized every episode from the 4th Season of Sex in the City

* You enjoy the audience commentary while watching a movie bought at
Haji mart

* You see celebratory fire going over the compound at night and think
" wow the colors are so pretty" and want to fire back

* Your thinking of buying real estate in the green zone

* Your idea of sex is 20 minutes of Instant Messaging with your wife
on the computer, Ok 10 minutes who are you kidding?

* You wake up and think Baghdad, I am still in friggin Baghdad

* You make the new guy show you his count down timer just to make you
feel better about your time you have left in country

* You're in the Army and you start saying Ooorah

* You're in the Marines and you start saying Hooah

* You're in the Navy and you realize you are in the middle of the
desert, the exact opposite of being in the middle of the ocean, where one
might normally find the Navy.

* You're in the Air Force, and you're on the plane home because an
Air Force tour is too short to have been a long Iraq tour. Ignore this
list, zoomie you won't get it.

* You only notice the stench of Haji funk when its not there

* You plan on removing all trees and grass in your yard when you get
home so it will look more natural

* You forget there are other colors than brown that can be found in
places other than power point slides

* The temp drops down to 102 degrees and you shiver while reaching
for your Gortex jacket

* You have noticed a change of season, from long, hot and dry to
short, cold and wet.

* When you call home and your kids ask "Who is this?"

* You call home and your wife says hello Bill (your name is Sam)

* When you go on R&R, you duct tape your child to the roof of your
car, hand him a pellet rifle, and assign him a sector of fire for the ride
to "The Olive Garden."

* When you can comfortably shave and brush your teeth using bottled
water, but don't mind showering in the "non-potable" local water.

* While on R&R, you look out the window and find Nature, which leads
you to wonder who stole your sandbags.

* When some of the contractors wear their DCUs more properly than
some of your soldiers.

* When 12 hours is a short work day - you go Battle Captains!

* When, During the BUA, "DIV asked MNSTC-I for the FRAGO that MNC-I
was supposed to publish, but couldn't because MNF-I hadn't weighed in, since
they were too inundated with MOD and MOI war-gaming the JCCs within the ISF
to square us away!" is a valid comment and generates no questions.

* When you start using words like G'day mate, Cheers, and Bloody hell
as part of your normal vocabulary

* When you have your opinions printed in the STARS and STRIPES more
than 3 times

* When the palace catches fire and instead of helping to put it out
you grab a bag of marshmallows and start roasting

* When you step into any office and there are 6 COLs, 12 LTCs, 15
MAJs, and 8 CPTs supervising the work of 1 NCO

* When you end every phone conversation with "Out"

* When you're ordered to get an air mission together on short notice
because it's a "Hot priority" only to have the Major call back once he is in
the air to ask "Does anyone know where I am going?"

* When the weapon buyback program has become so successful that you
have issued the same AK47 to the Iraqi army 3 times

* When you can actually tell the difference between the sound of an
exploding car and an exploding mortar

* When on R & R you tell your wife that your weapon status is Red and
your looking for the clearing barrel

* When on R&R you go to Church and wonder why no one is wearing body
armor or carrying an automatic weapon to the service

* You see an indirect fire attack take out a generator and get angry
at the enemy for not hitting the one that powers your computer

* You see an indirect fire attack take out an air conditioner and
your vigor to fight is renewed

* You yell at the FNG for shouting incoming when the rounds don't
impact close enough to hit your tent with dirt

* You know that you need to run inside immediately after any win of
an Iraqi sports team to keep being hit by celebratory fire

* You decide for that for shits and grins - lets take a run around
Lost Lake at Camp Victory to see if we can get shot at by the sniper

* You never worry about oversleeping because if the morning call to
prayers doesn't wake you, the daily 0430 mortar attack will (most
mornings)

* The highlight of your shopping experience at the PX is to see that
they got in a new shipment of Schick Tracer razorblades

* When you send out your laundry and your whites become grayer, your
blacks become grayer and your DCU's become grayer - makes it easier to sort
loads...

* You get offended by people wearing clean, pressed DCU's

* You decide that it is a better course of action to pull your
blankets over your head than put on your body armor during a mortar attack -
the woobee will save you and at least you are comfortable

* You make a contest out of seeing who can wear their uniform for
more days before becoming entirely disgusted with themselves

* You wonder if the fish served at dinner really was carp caught out
of the Tigris or Camp Victory's lake

* You find it completely acceptable to pick your nose while talking
to a complete stranger or member of the opposite sex

* A rocket or a mortar really isn't a big deal until the crater it
leaves is big enough to trip over in the dark on the way to the latrine

* You go to a social gathering and intermittent gun fire or
explosions don't even cause a pause in the conversation

GOOD DAY BAGHDAD - BE SAFE- RETURN HOME SOON

Old Nairobi Blues

This is an old post but a goody

Nairobi Blues - Kenya and more 03-Sep-07

Well gang, I have some time to write.

Is anyone here a golfer?

I am.

I love the game.

It is the only game that you play against yourself and if you cheat, you only cheat yourself.

So I am golfing yesterday.., as I had a half day off.

Royal Nairobi Country Club.

It’s been around for a hundred years.

So I must explain this story for those if you who are not golfers.

In the U.S. we have things on the golf course called ‘hazards’.

They could be a fence at the out-of-bounds line, or a water hole, or a sand-trap, or just some really gnarly bushes.

All of these hazards are very detrimental to your score and one must try to avoid them at all costs.

Let me segway for a moment, as this will have a direct bearing on my story coming up…

Has anyone seen the very old 7-UP commercials with that Jamaican actor who dresses up all in white, looks at the screen, and says (in a very deep voice), “7-Up, the uncola! NO caffeine, never had it, never will! A-HA-HA-HA!!!

Does anyone remember that commercial?

I would also like to ask if anyone has seen the movie ‘Caddyshack’?

Remember the part where that goofy bastard Rodney Dangerfield says to the entire golf course.., “ Let’s Party?” (my words, not his.., he actually said 'get laid')

Okay, back to my story.

This country club was founded by the British exactly 100 years ago.

It is a very nice course with people from all over the world playing it.

It is actually kind of funny to see the Buddists playing in their head-wraps (no offense meant).

So I am golfing terribly, as I have not golfed in about 3 years.

I am on my first loop (round of golf), on the front nine (first half of the course), and I am shooting terribly.

No, no, no.., I mean terribly.

So I found a hazard I have never encountered in CONUS (Continental United States).

Monkey attack!

Yes, that’s right. Monkey hazard!!

Now, if you will close your eyes and picture this…,

I hit my ball into some deep rough, (Now one must realize that Nairobi was cut straight out of the jungle.)

I mean everywhere there is not concrete, there is jungle.

So..,When I tell you that the golf course has a rough…,

I mean it has a place you do not want to go find your lost balls.

So I hit into a very deep patch of tall-grass somewhere around the 7th hole.

Well there is one Monkey (the Perimeter Security Monkey, I am guessing), sitting in a low sapling tree watching me.

As I go into the grass..,

He screams and a hundred heads poke up through the tall grass.

MONKEY HEADS!!!

Well, I should tell you that they do not like uninvited guests for dinner.
So they get all riled up and start screaming and coming after me.

As I am running away through the fairway with a bunch of damn monkeys chasing me,

screaming,

throwing feces…,

(Believe it or not, THAT wasn't the bad part)

I have the entire golf course of really dark black men all dressed up in their golf knickers and polo shirts, laughing their asses off, falling down dropping their golf clubs, and yelling…“RUN, WHITE MAN, RUN!!!” ( in that Jamaican deep voice of the 7-up man)

And..,I didn’t find my ball.

These bastards made me take 2 strokes for a lost ball.

I ask any golfer out there, if a monkey steals your ball, chases you, throws feces at your head, and has his attack posse chase you out of your game…,

Should I be penalized 2 strokes?!?

I think not!

Imagine a bunch of Kenyans, laughing, falling down,and seeing the white man get his due.

I am not lying, they all fell over laughing at me running.

Then some idiot told me to play dead.

Do not do this. It doesn't work!

I am home safely now, but have had to throw out some clothes..,and I have a new respect for golf, and golfing ‘hazards’.

So don’t you golfers tell me about your crappy game you shot and the cheap course hazards!!

More later.

Jimmy B.

afghan blues 24 march 2009

Yesterday a rocket flew over the company office and missed by a few yards.

It landed next door and killed a Philippine worker and injured 5 others.

Sad day.

You get a poor guy with a family from a poor country, and all he wants to do is feed his family and give them a better life.

Whammo!

Terrorists end it all.

They really are bold in their attacks, and they are getting worse.

You have to wonder what makes a person able to indiscriminately kill people like that.

The wind is still blowing and I am starting to think that it will never let up.

Never.

It actually rained today, for about 5 minutes. Then it stopped and the wind kept blowing.

I had to make a pickup at our airport here at the FOB to get 2 FNG’s (Friggin New Guys) for our base.

Ha-ha.

One of them has never been to a war zone and his whole life was on the California coast.

This fact alone was enough to piss me off.

He did nothing while we rode to our tents but ask about rocket attacks.

He seemed very afraid and unsure if he made the right choice.

I told him how terrible it is and how lucky we have been so far.

I am soooo bad!

Actually, this camp is about the safest camp in the country.

I just wanted him to have a great night sleep for his first night. LOL

I’ll tell him the truth in the morning.

IF he gets any sleep.

Add his anxiety to the wind that blows all night long against the walls of the tents,
shaking them to their foundations; and you can imagine that he will be indoctrinated
Properly.

While I waited for the C-130 to arrive, I went into the British PX and bought myself a Sudoku game book and, get this…,

a REAL chocolate milk.

For those of you that do not get the importance of that, let me explain.

All of our milk is the artificial type that comes in boxes. Never needs refrigeration and lasts for years.

It is horrible when it is cold, and we usually get to drink it at room temperature when we have any at all.

So the taste is indescribable.

That is why whenever I come home, the first stop is a pizza and a glass of real milk.

So when I saw this sitting there in the cooler, I jumped on it and almost took down a female British soldier, thinking that it was the last one.

I was not about to wait around and find out that it was the last one and that she had absconded it from me.

HEY! She knew the risks when she became a soldier and came to this God forsaken place.

IF the rockets aren’t bad enough, one can get killed over a chocolate milk.

By me. lol

But this was special milk. The kind that has the syrup on the bottom, so the more you shake it, the richer and more chocolatey it gets.

I guess I will try to write some more later this week.

I have to get back to the grind.

Have a good one.

Jimmy B.

Well work is done and the wind is still blowing out here. We get these mini tornados out here and we call them dirt devils.

They are harmless, but they make a whole lotta mess and throw some major dirt all over everything.

We are now up over a thousand soldiers and more arrive every day.

Everything breaks down out here from overuse or just being old.

I think the last time they bought new equipment for the military was before Clinton was in office.

So much time and money is spent on building this camp, only to have it torn down when the permanent one arrives,

it is amazing.

More later.

17 mar 2009

I am sitting in the office here at the FOB and it is about 1 in the afternoon.

The wind is blowing up the sand like no tomorrow and you would think the apocalypse is coming.

MAN! It blow every day out here. They call it the wind of 100 days or something like that.

I call it a pain in the ass.

We get sand in our drinks, in our food, in our hair, socks, ears, eyes, mouth, nose, and a few unmentionables.

Ask me if I have any idea why in the hell anyone would stay in this desolate place for 4 thousand years and I will tell you that they are nuts!

At least in baghdad, we had palm trees and a few rivers.

Here, you have old salt layers of earth, dust, sand, dry heat, and crazy Taliban that have thought this way for a thousand years.

I mean, seriously, this place is desolate.

More later today.

J

Old Baghdad Blues

September 23, 2004

1:30 PM So I have talked to many generals, colonels, and majors; and they all say the same thing. This HAD to happen. It is still better than the mass murder that Saddam did. I'm going to send pictures of his palaces. All this really ornate sculpture of marble and such is quite a story. After an Iraqi craftsman finished the job; if Saddam didn't like you, he killed you after torture. If he liked you, he chopped off your hands so you couldn't reproduce the work in his palaces. These Iraqis come to work and ask us every day, "Don't these Americans care about us?” They are terrified of the sure death they will receive if the troops pullout. They don't understand about our media twisting things.

ON THAT MATTER!!!
When you see an interview and they hate Americans. The media spends the entire day finding these idiots. Most are criminal businessmen or shopkeepers that for the first time ever, they had to straighten up and fly right.This is an historic time people. We must quit looking for excuses to look the other way (because you know damn well that mass murder and dictators are truly evil).
more later Gaters,

Old Baghdad blues

So anyway.
Sorry.
My letters come in bits and pieces, but I have little time.I have 2 Iraqi nationals with me when I go on jobs. National just means citizen. They get kidnapped and beaten regularly for helping us. Some get killed. They tell us that 90 percent of Iraqis are happy we are there, its just the small 1 percent that cause the problems. These guys risk their lives for $600 a month. That’s for a 60 hour week with no benefits. Some of them have never had a job in their lives. But they are happy to learn and they are VERY friendly.
more later

Old Baghdad Blues

September 19, 2004 1:56 AM

Hello everyone,It's 11:30 Sunday morning in Baghdad and it is sunny and 100 degrees. Last night was a good night with plenty of entertainment. We had this country western singer here at the palace playing for the air forces' 57th birthday. I didn't hear the whole concert because I got involved with meeting some great new friends. We laughed and joked the whole night (well, until 10 anyway). It was comical at the introduction, because here we are at a concert and they are telling us if we start getting mortared to run like hell and don't stick around waiting for more of the concert.
As if!
The introduction was presented by an officer named (get this) Major General Seargent.
Ha-ha-ha.
He HAS to be taking abuse over that. Seemed like a decent man, though. No shells fell last night so we slept pretty well. It is comical the way they do things out here. I am now more convinced than ever before that we should disband the state department. These arrogant fools do nothing for anyone but themselves, drive 250k hummers (I guess our bulletproof buses aren't good enough), and generally foul up the works. I guess they are appointees and flunkies of politicians. They make insane rules and regulations that accomplish nothing except make themselves feel safer and important. These people are NUTS! But at least they have good company with KBR. Nothing is professional or done right. Most of what they do, is done two, three, four times because it is done wrong each time per company policy of no tools and materials. I am in the laughing mode right now, but I would probably cry when I see the tax money wasted. Hope all is good.
later gaters,

HI All,

Sorry I haven't written in a while.

I was on the Pakistan border up in the mountains for a bit, and then I was doing operations for a couple weeks.

I have now been relocated to the middle of Afghanistan, somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

The military is manning up for the big surge out here. I guess this is supposed to be the hotspot of the country.

The FOB I am now on is going to be very large and full of marines ready to fight.

They launched a rocket tonight that scared the be-jeezes out of three of us in the office.

When we heard it, we all dove under our desks thinking it was inbound.

After finding out it was one of ours, we proceeded to check our shorts.

This rocket was one of the largest I have ever seen. It looked like the space shuttle taking off.

NATO has been running the operations in the south, and we are now taking it back under American control.., thankfully.

I thought that the UN was bad, now I know that it is any group of multiple nations.

Maybe when I am not as tired, I will get on my soapbox and spout about NATO for a bit. It is worth hearing, trust me.

I am working with another team now, and they seem okay. Most of the guys have been in the military for 20 years, so they know their business and are very professional.

We are still working very long hours, so we get almost no time to relax...,

but the food has gotten much better. Probably because the Americans on this base are running things.

We still work from about 6 am to about 9 or 10 pm. Then we go to our cot and watch a dvd or just pass out. Every day is groundhog day here.

The military lets the Haji's come onto the camp once a week and sell a bunch of crap to unsuspecting young soldiers.

They even sell bootleg DVD's, most of which are really bad.

I mean, you can see the people in the theater walking in front of the camcorder right on the dvd and hear them talk over the movie.

But at 2 bucks apiece, it is worth it if you get 1 out of 4 that are good. Especially since the PX is no longer a friend to the soldier.

The px charges more for goods than most stores back home, and they even charge for haircuts now.

I wonder what snake oil salesman bribed a congressman to allow the PX to be taken over and run for a profit?

For all the bluster from our elected leaders about supporting the troops, they sure find new ways to take another bite out of their ass.

Well, I am getting very tired, since it is now 11 pm and I have to leave the office and get a few hours of sleep.

The weather is breaking and is up to about 75 or 80 degrees during the day.

At night is gets pretty chilly, but the tents are heated, unlike the last FOB.

During my stint in operations, I heard gunfire all night long.

it reminds me of a song I knew a long time ago,

It is called life during Wartime by the Talking Heads and I am living the life right now.

Sometimes it seems so surreal that I wonder if I am dreaming some of this stuff up or not.

Heard of a van that is loaded with weaponspacked up and ready to goHeard of some gravesites, out by the highwaya place where nobody knowsThe sound of gunfire, off in the distanceI'm getting used to it nowLived in a brownstone, lived in the ghettoI've lived all over this townThis ain't no party, this ain't no discothis ain't no fooling aroundNo time for dancing, or lovey doveyI ain't got time for that nowTransmit the message, to the receiverhope for an answer some dayI got three passports, couple of visasdon't even know my real nameHigh on a hillside, trucks are loadingeverything's ready to rollI sleep in the daytime, I work in the nightimeI might not ever get homeThis ain't no party, this ain't no discothis ain't no fooling aroundThis ain't no mudd club, or C. B. G. B.I ain't got time for that nowYou oughta know not to stand by the windowsomebody might see you up thereI got some groceries, some peanut butterto last a couple of days

I get out of the rack every morning now and dream of my upcoming R+R.

I wonder where I will go.

Maybe Dubai.., maybe Italy.., who knows?

I was investigating going to North Africa to Casablanca, and then traveling by train to Marrekech and on to Tangier.

It sounds different enough to pique my interest, so maybe I will do it.

If anyone has any suggestions of something really different, I am all ears.

More Later,

Jimmy B.

Afghan Blues
16 Feb 2009
Well, today was my birthday and it was a hoot! My birthday dinner was not the steak I had hoped for, but it was dinner in bed. I had a Chicken Fajita MRE (Meal-ready-to-eat)(See Pic).
Let me try to describe this meal.
Imagine being on the side of a mountain in a cold tent on a cot, just to start the mood.
Now for the dinner.
Think back to a Mexican restaurant that you tried on a recommendation, and found it to be so absolutely horrible, that you ended the friendship with the person that recommended it to you.
Serve that same Mexican meal on cardboard instead of dishware.
Before eating this meal, scrape the meal into the garbage and eat the cardboard soaked with the bad Mexican meal flavor,
and VOILA!
You had just experienced my dinner in bed.
The best part of the meal is the hermetically sealed cheese whiz that we squeeze out of the tube straight into our mouths, and then bite a stale cracker.
The sad part is that it is still better then the meals they are now serving at the main base near the airport.
NATO got to choose this caterer, and they did not want to spend a penny over minimum daily requirements.
I believe their cost is $3 a meal, so go imagine what that tastes like.
We 7 merry men all prefer to eat meals that were packaged 5 years ago instead of those meals at the main base.
A bit about my FOB.
We are sharing the base with several hundred Afghan Military, a few American soldiers, and a few Romanian soldiers.
When I say a few, I mean a few.
Today we got mortared again. That is twice in the last four days, for a total of 13 mortars incoming.
We took a direct hit in the camp and it destroyed a heating unit and a tent. The Afghan Army returned fire with their artillery and got a direct hit on the Taliban launch site, killing 16 of the scumbags.
These mortars throw a ton of shrapnel. If you look at the pics, you will see all the holes gone through solid steel shipping containers.
We waited in the bunker until the air support arrived; which were a couple of F-16’s.
When you hear them arrive, feel all warm and safe…,
Like a freshly washed Wooby.
Sometimes it takes them more than a few minutes to arrive, so we hunker down and sit tight (today it took twenty, which is an eternity when you are getting rocked).
These jets come screaming in at mach plus, and the thunder scares the hell out of the enemy, but we all come out of our rat holes and cheer.
They arrive and start circling like vultures looking for prey at twenty thousand feet.
I do not know what kind of electronics that they have to see the ground forces of the enemy, but they must have something great.
After about 3 or 4 hard power circles.., the kind where you see the vapor trails coming off the wingtips, they must have spotted some remnants of taliban that were still kicking.
They came nose diving out of the sky toward the earth in all their full glory and then leveled out about 100 feet off the ground for a strafing run.
WOW!!!
When you watch them blast just over your head and engage in that maneuver, it takes your breath away, and blows your hearing for a second or two.
They come in so much faster than what you might see at an air show.
It really is hard to describe without being here.
The Romanians are supposed to be our security force for the camp, and that is one large fiasco.
They have done nothing during either of the mortar attacks, except run faster than us for the bunkers.
If we had the Romanian artillery, we would have fired on the Taliban ourselves, since they are worthless here.
The Romanian commander told us that they never saw combat before, and that is one of the reasons they are not fighting.
OH yes.., I should mention that standing NATO orders are not to engage.
Something about calling in for approval to respond during an attack.
You have to love these alliances that we pay for but get nothing out of, just higher risk.
I’ll talk more about that later.
The Taliban recently killed a bunch of Afghanis’ who were paving a road.
NATO approved funds to asphalt the main road through this area so the people have a real road and the military has an access route.
Well the Taliban did not like that idea and slaughtered 60 local Afghanis who were just trying to make a living.
These creatures are beneath humanity and beyond deprogramming. Their brainwashing and fanaticism is too deeply embedded.
I would ask everyone who gets this newsletter to respond to me and let me know if you would like me to keep you on the list.
And do NOT forward my letters without my permission.
Nothing I have talked about here is classified, but it is personal and only meant for people I know.
Have a great day everyone.
Jimmy B.

Afghan Blues Feb 11 2009


Hi Kids and Critters!

Well the fun never stops!

Last week I came down with the flu. The kind of flu that hits you in the middle of the night, and when you cough, you can actually feel the seams in your skull pulling apart.

I had the achy joints and back, and several fevers.

And I did not have the kind of fever that could be cured by more cowbells. lol

I am blaming this on the living conditions.

This tent I am staying in has about 150 or more soldiers. They call it the transient tent. It hasn’t been swept in years, and the mattresses are the really cheap kind where you feel the springs in your back.

Add the fact that the mattresses are absolutely filthy.

I work about a mile from the transient tent and I walk to and from work every day since there are not enough vehicles.

This tent is so cold you can hear other peoples teeth chatter.

One soldier sleeping near us didn’t have his sleeping bag; he decided he did not want to tote it along.

Big mistake.

When we woke up in the morning, he was sleeping between two mattresses.

He took another mattress in the middle of the night and tried to use it as a blanket. He looked like a giant roast beef sandwich.

The showers are still cold, but at least they have water pressure.

Well.., not really. It is more like an icicle running down your back.

Last night we had a rocket attack.

Right after I got to sleep the air raid sirens and c-rams(counter rocket and mortar) started screaming, so everyone started running for the bunkers.

These systems are loud, and I mean rock concert loud!!

Me and the guy in the rack next to me just rolled over and put the pillow over our heads to drown the noise.

You can always tell the new guys by the way they take off running for the bunkers, even the soldiers.

Those of us who have been through about 300 of these attacks know better.

We just stay in our racks and let our woobies protect us. lol

Then the ‘big voice’ comes over the speakers yelling “Take Cover!! Take Cover!! Take Cover!! Inbound Rocket Attack!!”

After a half hour, everyone was given the all clear with no detonations heard.

Many of the mortars and rockets have no detonation since they are not maintained well by the Taliban.

But the kinetic energy they develop from their airspeed will still do some serious damage.

A non detonating mortar will leave a 5 foot diameter crater in compressed dirt just from that energy. So one can imagine the damage a rocket will do , since they are usually about 4 feet long with many times the mass and weight of a mortar.


In Iraq the food was pretty good. They actually spent some money on the soldiers.

Here the food is beyond horrible.

Two nights ago the menu was pork necks, the next night was pork shoulders, etc…

And they are always overcooked to the point of shoe leather.

Most times the meat is just hockey pucks, shoe leather and grizzle. It is hard to tell what animal the meat came from.

I am pretty sure that the animal is some genetic mutant pig-bull grizzle wart-hog.

The milk isn’t boxed like it was in Iraq, so it tastes a bit better, but given the track record of this new catering company, I am sure it is rat milk or something along those lines.

Yesterday, I had some soup that was supposed to be beef noodle.

NO beef.

No noodles.

And it was a creamy, milky colored broth.

I have never had beef soup that was almost white, if this gives you any idea what it is like.

I feel quite confident that my diet will succeed here…, although I cannot find the energy to work out.

Lack of food, probably.

I am leaving Kandahar tomorrow to go up in the mountains to start my assignment.

12 of us will be somewhere on the Pakistan border. 8 thousand feet up, so it should be cold.

Our scout team is there already and told us that we will be sleeping in the cold, and will be eating MRE’s (meals, ready-to-eat). NO showers either.

What fun!

But hey, the vacations are nice. LOL

I may not be able to write for a while, but I sure appreciate anybody writing back and giving me some news (personal or whatever), since I will not have the fox news channel up there.

More later.

Jimmy B.

Afghan Blues 29 Jan 09

Greetings Everyone from Sunny Kandahar-Har-Har!

So I just started a new mission here in Southern Afghanistan. I will be heading out to a FOB (Forward Operating Base) somewhere near the Pakistan border in a couple days.
I flew to Kandahar by way of Dubai so I could stop in and have my last cocktail for 3 months.

Same old Dubai.., FUN and CRAZY!!

Anyone who has ever flown to the Middle East knows how hard it is to get any sleep during the 20 hours of flying and layovers.

So I was pretty tired when I arrived in Kandahar, but the flight is a lot less interesting than in Iraq.

Coming into Baghdad, the plane does what is called a ‘combat-landing’, which basically means the plane turns about twenty tight circles on its side to prevent any surface to air rockets from bringing the plane down. (You are either looking straight at the ground out the window, or up toward the sun, depending on what side of the plane you are sitting in.)
This will make anyone sick until they get used to it after several landings.

Kandahar is a simple landing comparatively.

This place is surrounded by mountains and sand; not much else.
The military runs the airport and has every kind of aircraft imaginable here; fighters, bombers, drones, cargo.., everything.

All day and all night long there are fighters and cargo aircraft taking off, landing, and flying over our heads for the sole purpose of making sure we do not sleep.

This brings me back to the sleep issue.

When I landed, I figured that I would finally be able to get a good nights’ sleep. Then they showed me to my tent….,

200 soldiers all living in bunk beds, no partitions; just one big warehouse style tent.
The first thing you notice when you get to a vacant rack is that the beds squeak very loudly when you get on them, and when you roll over, or just about any time you breathe.

Imagine 100 racks squeaking all night long in a loud, metallic, ear-puncturing screech.
Then imagine 200 alarm clocks going off all night long for the different platoons going on different missions, at different times of the middle of the night.

Now add all the jets coming down hot and fast just over the deck to land right behind the tent.

Finally, sauté this nice hearty winter stew with an overly gassy, bean and cabbage eating Bulgarian soldier who bunks on the rack next to me..,
And one can see how I have not slept in four days so far.

I am now constantly living with one of the lack-of-sleep headaches.

So by the time the noise drives me off the rack at 5 am, I get to the showers for a tooth-cracking cold shower. The fire department probably used the hot water to put of my bunk mates ass fires.

Who really knows?

We are working 12-16 hours a day, seven days a week, so it is a bit hectic.

I’ll sign off now and send more later.

Jimmy B.

Subject: (No subject)
September 17, 2004 12:25 PM
Hello everybody,Greetings from Baghdad.

The weather here is hot and sunny.

My flight in was pretty cool; they come in hardand bank to avoid missiles.

Once you get to the airport it really sinks in how bad Saddam was here.

I had a 3 hour layover in Dubai and got the city tour.

The WHOLE city is under construction; and I mean the whole city. It is a vibrant and rich economy, with everybody driving a new rich-mans' car.

This is what is great about democracies like ours, everybody can make it. Now when you get to Baghdad (with more oil wealth than Dubai) all you see is decay and rot.

The infrastructure is destroyed from years of neglect; the airport terminals haven't been updated in 40 years, and the streets are wrecked (not from bombing).

The drive to the green zone is done in full body armor at high speed with a military escort every 3 vehicles.

The terrorists just throw grenades and take shots at every convoy that passes.

Contrary to the news reports, 90 percent or more of the Iraqis' love us being here.

I am in the green zone, which takes mortar attacks every night. But we are pretty well dug in so we are pretty safe.

Afghan Blues Blog 01

Well everyone, I have moved my blog after only one day. Ha-Ha!

I decided that my political opinions and viewpoints cannot be put into one bag like Townhall.

this one is going to be easier for me.

So here is how it is going to work.

I will spend a bit of time reprinting all my old newletters from as far back as my first deployment in Baghdad.

Just watch the dates and you will know the timeline.

I apologize ahead if time for any newsletters that are out of order.